6 Ways to show love to your spouse today
I love hearing stories of how couples met and fell in love.
At some point you fell in love with your spouse. Maybe you had a "love at first sight" type of story, where you just knew that person was the one the moment you saw them. Multiple couples in our church were married in arranged marriages. Its fun to hear their stories as they talk about how marriage comes first, then love. For many, we met someone that our attention was drawn to. We spent time with them. We took a risk to ask them out. There are late night phone calls, dates you probably couldn't really afford, and going out of your way to show love.
Something happens over time. Life happens. Work gets busy. Kids need you. There are endless projects at the house. The gym, friendships, church, hobbies... our schedules just endlessly pile up. You may be reading this and can't even remember the last time you had a "real" undistracted conversation with your spouse. Instead of beating yourself up, do something about it. Here are six ways that you can show love to your spouse today.
Surprise them. Surprises are awesome. They're a shock to the normalcy. You know better than anyone what would be a meaningful surprise to your spouse. It doesn't have to cost money. You could write a hand-written letter to leave on their pillow or on their steering wheel, better yet, you could do it for 7 days in a row. You could spontaneously get a babysitter and take them out for a nice date, or even a cheap date. Stop at the store on the way home and buy your wife a single rose, its $2.99 that is well spent. You could go pick up your husbands favorite dessert and share it after the kids go to bed. The more specific to your surprise to what your spouse loves. The more it will mean to them. In any case, add a spark to your marriage this week by surprising your spouse.
Serve them. We naturally drift toward a 50/50 mentality. Its transactional. Thats not what marriage is about. Marriage is about giving 100% of yourself away, even if you don't receive 100% in return. Thats what unconditional love looks like. Is what Christ did for us. He modeled this kind of love and service for us on the cross. Memorize these words from Matthew 20:28 today and let them be the theme for your marriage this week, "even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” What does it look like for you to serve your spouse? Maybe its doing the dishes or taking the trash out or cleaning the bathroom without being asked or folding the laundry without being asked, maybe its intimacy, maybe its breakfast in bed, maybe its encouraging your spouse to go see a movie with friends. Think through one thing that you can do to serve your spouse and then do it, but here's the catch, when you serve someone you don't tell them that you are "serving" them. Commit to serving your spouse expecting nothing in return.
Pursue them. I've already mentioned how easy it is to drift toward complacency. For marriages to become "transactional". The way to fight this is intentional pursuit. To pursue is to put your full heart, mind, and attention into loving them. Think about the early days of your relationship. How did you pursue your spouse then? Maybe its opening the door, maybe its a phone call in the middle of the day, maybe its making a favorite meal. Take time today to put together a plan for how you can "pursue" your spouse.
Spend time with them. We are often physically present with our spouses, but that doesn't mean that we are mentally or emotionally present. Sports, the phone, the computer, netflix, work projects, cleaning, all of these things can rob out attention. Commit today to be physically, mentally, and emotionally present with your spouse. Maybe that means literally turning OFF your phone. Maybe it means skipping the game. Maybe it means shutting down the computer. As you are reading this, think of the one thing that steals your attention the most, commit to removing that thing for the next couple of days when you have time with your spouse.
Thank them. So often, the things that were once deeply appreciated, become an "expectation". It's often these unspoken and unmet "expectations" that cause frustrations for us. What if, instead of seeing what your spouse "isn't" doing that you want them to do. You look for opportunities to thank them for all that they do. I think there is incredible power in those words. Find an opportunity to tell your spouse "thank you" today. Here's the catch, your "thank you" has to come from your heart. It can't be mere words that your trying to say to check this box. Look for something that your spouse does well and thank the Lord for their gift in that area. Then specifically thank them.
Be faithful to them. Satan wants to destroy your marriage. He wants to see it implode. He wants to see sin and brokenness enter. He comes to steal and to kill and to destroy. Flee from him, flee from sin, flee from infidelity. Run to Christ. James 4:7 says "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." Today, commit to guarding your eyes, guarding your heart, guarding your mind, and guarding your marriage from anything that would draw you away from loving your spouse and being faithful to them.
This is a long list. But truthfully none of these things are difficult. They just take time and intentionality, but isn't that the recipe for a healthy marriage? Lets do the hard work and love our spouses well!